Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Dear Grandma,

It is 2am, and I can't sleep. Tomorrow (today, really) marks 11 years that you have been gone. I miss you so much. When I was little you would play silly games with me, always making me giggle with your false teeth, or wiggling your ears, which by the way, I've never seen anyone else ever do that! You didn't mind that I colored on the bottom of your coffee table while pretending it was a car - I had to draw the gas tank, the oil pan, and all the other parts of a car so I could "work" on it from underneath like the mechanics do. I wish I still had that coffee table. You always let me help when making your special 7 Layer "Schlocate" Cake, man those were good! The first time I had one remotely similar to yours after you died, it made me cry, knowing I'd never ever taste yours again. When we would come visit you, after the 4 hour trip, our first meal together was always your wonderful spaghetti, and I am so thankful that Aunt Flo can make it just like you did!
Spending the night with you was great. I loved snuggling with you in your bed, and as we would fall asleep I HAD to drape my leg across you, I guess to make sure you didn't leave me during the night, I don't know. It was so comforting to have you there. In the mornings you'd get up so early, I couldn't even imagine how a person could get up that early, but you did. And you would play solitaire for a long time on the kitchen counter while having coffee. Eventually I would wander into the living room/kitchen area and lie on the couch until breakfast was ready.
Skipping ahead a little here. I remember you teaching me how to drive in your HUGE car! "Turn left here" you I turn the wheel ALL THE WAY LEFT and we find ourselves in someone's front yard, but you just laugh. "Let's go back to the stadium and practice some more in the parking lot"....yeah, that was a good idea!
There were so many things I loved about you, so many memories. You loved me so much, and I didn't realize that until it was much too late. Maybe that's the way things work, I don't know. I often wonder if you'd be proud of me now? I've made some huge mistakes, and stupid decisions. I miss your guidance. I miss your voice, your love, your support. Lord knows I could have used it. I only have memories of you, all of them wonderful.
Your house was such a blessing to me. After my first husband, and that entire fiasco, Dothan became my only safe haven, Aunt Flo being a huge part in me finding my way, and you letting me "have" your house free and clear was more than I could ever have asked for. I was able to escape a terribly abusive husband, and make a life for myself and my infant son (with Aunt Flo's help). That is just one example of your love for me, and I am so sorry I pissed it away like I did. I won't go there now....That's not what this post is about.
Thank you so much for being MY grandmother. Thank you for loving me through all my faults, and only wanting the best for me no matter how rotten I was. I miss you so much. You were such a special lady, and I hope that I turn out to be half the woman that you were. I hope that in some way, somewhere, you are proud of me.
I love you, Grandma. Always.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your comments about Grandma Blackshear. I still miss her very much. Love, Dad.